a rodent by any other name would still have beady little eyes

Wednesday, March 27


We had an opossum in the backyard earlier this week.

I opened the patio door to let the dog outside and walked away, but then I heard a loud rumble. When I looked outside, I saw Raven standing off with this big white ball of fluff. They were circling each other. She was growling and snarling. It was hissing and showing its teeth. I was shook.

Here's what I didn't have time for: an emergency trip to the vet because of a tussle with an opossum in the backyard, so I called the dog back inside, and the rodent scurried off into an opening under the house. Naturally, I had J call a critter control company the next day, because no nesting will be tolerated in my house, under my house, around my house... not today satan.

The next afternoon, I went to let the dog outside again and saw another, smaller white ball of fluff, and it had the nerve to be crawling around on the deck near the door. I yell out to J that there's a baby opossum on the patio, because in my head, the opossum from the night before has clearly began nesting under my house and obviously has a whole family under there waiting to take over as soon as the opportunity presents itself. Yes, I know opossums are nocturnal animals, and it made no sense for a baby opossum to be trolling around in broad daylight, but still, that's where my brain went.

J (politely) corrected me and explained how it was not an opossum; it was a ferret. As far as I was concerned, it was still a rodent. Opossums, ferrets, hamsters, gerbils... they're all the rat's cousin, but J starts explaining how he's always wanted a ferret as a pet, and how cute this one looks on our patio... and then we start looking at each other like:


(To be clear, I'm Diddy in this scenario)

I finally break the silence with a vehement no, because i'm not having a pet rat in my house.

Nope.

J went and checked with the neighbors to see if anyone was missing their pet ferret (they weren't), and after a few hours he was finally able to lure it into a box filled with lettuce. I'll admit, the little creature seemed friendly and was clearly used to being around people, but... a rodent by any other name would still have beady little eyes.

Thankfully one of his co-workers' daughter had her heart set on a pet ferret, so it went to a good home. The little girl even wrote an essay on how to care for them, so I'm sure it will have a long and happy life.

So what's the moral of this super random story?? I've been complaining about the state of our unkempt backyard ever since we bought the house, and the fact that an opossum and a ferret showed up back there in the same week is serving as some serious motivation to call a landscaping company out for a proper rate quote.

😕