Thoughts on not having a wedding

At the time of this writing, I will have been married for two years. In this short period, there have been a few regrets: regret for not communicating more thoroughly in certain situations, regret for not intentionally taking more time out of the day to spend nurturing our union, regret for things that have been said from a place of anger, et cetera. These are the kind of things that generally disrupt the quality of any romantic relationship, but they can also be used as a tool for growth. Thankfully, despite these things, I can still confidently say I 100% married my best friend; I married someone with whom I look forward to spending the rest of my life. 

There are many people who live by the "no regrets" motto, but honestly, I believe everyone has things from their past they would do differently. There is nothing wrong with regretfulness in my opinion. It keeps us empathetic and makes us more thoughtful with our actions, so I do not live by that motto. If anything, I live by the "less regrets" school of thought.

That being said, when it comes to my marriage, there is one thing of which I am sure I will never regret: not having a wedding.

We got married on a Friday afternoon, by a judge we had never met, in front of three dear family members. It was quick and to-the-point, and although we took a few pictures beforehand, there was nothing traditional about the way we said I do. A few hours later we were back at my apartment (it was still just my apartment at the time), lazing on the couch, planning our weekend-getaway honeymoon in the mountains. The following week I changed my last name with the appropriate government entities, went to the DMV for a new license, and eventually applied for a new social security card. Then, I went back to business as usual, as a married woman, learning how to make this forever-thing happen.

I did not post about it on social media. Everyone who needed to know knew, including those who read my post about it here. While we both plan to have a more official ceremony/celebration in the future, we have been so focused on laying a solid foundation for our future that we have yet to properly think about it. 

Every time wedding season rolls around, I see such beautiful ritualistic displays and personal traditions that play out in a deeply meaningful way - in churches, in parks, in gardens and on beaches. I want that one day, but only when the time is right. Two years ago? When I was unemployed and working odd-jobs to pay my bills? When I was feeling overwhelmed by the price tags on venues, caterers, photographers, and everything else? When I was stressed about the losses I had suffered months before and wanted to avoid the stress of planning a wedding? The time was not right. Even when we got to a point where the cost of a ceremony was within reach, we decided to buy a house and make a home instead. Even now that it is still within reach, we choose to pursue other adventures instead.

One day there will be a big celebration, with lots of people we love, in some insanely beautiful setting. It will still feel small and intimate, complete with catered street tacos (*winks*)  and bottomless cocktails. However, as it stands, I am so happy with how we chose to get married. It was exactly what we both wanted, with no outside influence(s) considered. There were no worries about finding a dress, or having a bridal shower, or making a big deal of a bachelorette party, or choosing bridesmaids - nope, none of that. As more time passes, I appreciate how beautiful our own path to marriage truly was, because it was just as meaningful, and it was uniquely our own.

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