Love-Themed Inner Reflections (& Dialogues)

I have a whole category dedicated to love on this blog, yet I hardly update it.

There was a time when I wrote about love like it was going out of style, like there was literally nothing else in the world to write about. My favorite verse explains how God is love, one of my best college essays broke down the etymology of love, and each tattoo on my body was inspired by my love for someone or something. I was no hopeless/ful romantic, I never pined for a boy who did not return the feelings (or at the very least, a phone call), but I always appreciated the many facets of love and how it could change people in the most drastic ways.

Flash forward a few years, and my fire for writing about the topic has dwindled, which is strange considering my love life is nothing short of wholly fulfilling (not perfect, as you'll see below, but definitely fulfilling). I look around at my small-but-might social circle and think I did pretty well for myself. I have such an intense love for every friend of mine, and I harbor no ill feelings toward any family members. Many people out there cannot make these claims, and I am grateful for this level of love-related satisfaction.

So today, as I was scrolling and rolling my eyes at all the Valentine-inspired posts in my newsfeed, I had to stop and check myself. Am I really annoyed by all the How I Made Peace with Being Single and Why It's Okay to Be Single on Valentine's Day posts or do I just really expect more than these cliched articles from 21st century journalism sites these days? The former is true, but the latter is truer (it is also true that the curse came just in time to rain on my personal V-Day parade, so that may be the real root of my irritation). Then my inner dialogue went something like this:

Me: You cannot complain about the lack of good Valentine articles when you rarely even post good love stuff on your own blog anymore.
Also me: You know what? You right. [sic]
Also, also me: Maybe you should fix that.
Me: ...

And then I kept scrolling my newsfeed, because honestly, I have no love-themed inner reflections to contribute or a soapbox to spill onto a blank page at the moment. What I can share, is a different kind of inner dialogue - not the kind that goes on in my head, but the kind that goes on between two people who are (as previously mentioned) wholly fulfilled in their relationship.

Lately I have taken notes of the random things J and I say to each other - mainly of the things I say to him - for no particular reason other than to journal it later. I guess The Active Spirit is my journal today.

Me: Random question, you will look at me funny.
Him: Okay.
Me: How do men pee and poop at the same time?
Him: [is confused] [looks at me funny, as predicted]
Me: Like, when you have to go #1 and #2 at the same time. Do you stand and do #1, then  turn around and sit for #2? Or do you sit down for everything... and "tuck it" in the toilet bowl for #1? Then pull it back out while you go #2? And does it just, like, sit atop the toilet bowl in the meantime???
Him: [is less confused but is still looking at me funny]
Me: I have always been curious, but this is an awkward question to ask a guy-friend, so I am asking you.

I never got a straight answer from that one, and then there was this gem:

Him: [while dealing with some back pain] Do you ever feel an intense pain in your lower back or pelvis area?
Me: Yes, every month, for about 3 to 5 days, since I was 13.
Him: [silence]
Me: Never complain to a woman about lower back pain unless you are literally 
bound to a wheelchair.

While discussing our future kids:

Him: So, who will help them with their math and science homework?
Me: [shrugs]
Him: [shrugs]
Me: I can tell you the parts of speech, not the parts of an atom.

While passing the Valentine's Day section at the grocery store:

Him: All these stuffed animals will be picked over in a few days. Kinda sucks how we do all the work and get nothing for Valentine's Day.
Me: I did not know guys cared about getting things for Valentine's Day.
Him: It's not as big of a deal as it is for y'all, but it would be nice.
Me: Wait, so, have you been secretly salty about the fact that I never get you anything for Valentine's Day? For four years?
Him: I mean...
Me: WHY HAVE YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING UNTIL NOW?!

I have saved the worst for last, and even as I type this, I consider removing it, because it makes me look like a not-so-fun person to live with, but this was a real-life moment, and I am indeed, sometimes not-so-fun to live with, so I am sharing. I struggle to remember the exact circumstances surrounding this dialogue, but it was definitely regarding something he was supposed to do but (for whatever reason) he did not.

Him: Why would I do that?
Me: I am sorry, I was expecting you'd use your common sense. Next time, I won't make that assumption.

I could never be married to me.

Happy Valentine's Day.

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